When things are going good in my love life, I don’t tend to like to talk about them. I think I’m afraid I will jinx it. That merely by speaking of it, in some cosmic way I will mess it up. Deep down, I know this isn’t true. That simply by sharing my joy I won’t lose it. However, I can’t shake the feeling that something bad will happen when I really like someone. I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Its not a good way to live your life.
I’m hiding this after the break!
Case and Point: Not long after I started Match, I met Scott. (Not to be confused with Oversexed Scotty or even Soon-To-Be-Divorced Scott. In fact, in that post, I said how I just didn’t seem to have any luck with that name. Oh, how true that was!)
This Scott emailed me, and I hesitated. He was 34, divorced with a 4 year old daughter. I tended to avoid divorced men, especially those with children. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be involved with that. But his emails made me like him and so I responded. We started texting, and then we talked on the phone for hours. I talked to him for 8 hours total before we even had our first date. We talked about everything. We decided to go out on a Tuesday at the end of February. He told me he wanted to go ahead and pencil me in for Wednesday and Saturday too. It was all very romantic. He would text me “good morning beautiful” in the morning, random things throughout the day, and we’d talk at night. This man that I had never even known existed suddenly became very important to my life.
But I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t ask for all of the texts, calls and whatnot. I didn’t ask for the promises made down the line of things we would do, dates we would go on. I wearily tried to keep it in check. Men have made me a lot of promises in the past; things they say we will do together, and they rarely come through. So I tried not to believe it. But he made me want to. He came out to my birthday, he met my friends. It felt like things were going well.
We dated for about 6 weeks. I never met his daughter. When he didn’t get what he wanted…he did exactly what he said he wouldn’t do–he disappeared. On our 2nd date, he asked me what I needed in a relationship. And I told him, that if he wasn’t feeling it, to tell me. Not to just disappear on me. He said he would. That we would talk about it. The last time I heard from him was on Marathon Monday two weeks ago. He used me while we were dating as his personal news source. He texted me that day and asked what was happening in Boston. And I replied and when I asked the next day if we could hang out, I never heard from him again.
So he now has a nickname. Because you all know how much I love those! His name is Douche-Bag Scott. Because he was/is. After a month of dating I asked if we were exclusive, his reply? He still wanted to date other people, and me. That should have been a red flag to get the heck out of dodge. But I stuck it out two more weeks. There were so many other things, not fit to print. But know that if I had listened to my gut, I wouldn’t be writing this post.
I’ve learned a lesson; I’m worth it. I am worth texts and calls. I’m worth being exclusive with. I’m worth being pursued. It shouldn’t be a hard choice for the right person to make. It won’t be.
I know that.
Runnin' Down a Dream 