There must be something wrong with me

Last night I had a perfectly nice date with a perfectly nice guy. In fact, he did everything right., but I was just NOT feelin’ it. Sunday I started stress-sweating. I only got worse on Monday. At some point that day I realized that I did NOT want to go out with him. My gut was screaming at me that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I traced it back to when he sent me (unprompted) a photo of himself at a wedding in a tux. It weirded me out. I haven’t met you and you’re sending me a picture? Maybe something IS wrong with me? I don’t know.

He did nothing wrong on the date-texted when he was running late, opened doors for me. He tried to put a song that we had talked about several days before that I said I liked onto his iPod for us to listen to on the way to the restaurant. It didn’t work, but it was a sweet gesture nonetheless.  

We had good conversation, but I was NOT feelin’ it. In fact, I didn’t want him to touch me, I didn’t want to look him in the eyes, or even at him. I even subconsciously put my purse between us as we were walking to the restaurant, just in case he tried to hold my hand! (Seriously, what is wrong with me?)

He paid for dinner and then carried my leftovers while went to get some ice cream from a local parlor. He paid for the ice cream. When our hands brushed while opening the door, I had to stop myself from recoiling. (ack, really Melissa?)

When he dropped me off at my car, I actually RAN away! He was telling me that he had a good time and wanted to call me again. I said my stomach was upset from the ice cream, said I had a great time too, (why, oh why am I so nice and prolong this stuff?) and said I needed to run. I then bolted from the car and back inside my work. I waited until he left and went home.

When he left I felt relieved. I know he’s going to call again and I know I have to be honest and tell him I just wasn’t feeling that connection. My friend that set it up asked me if I just liked guys who treated me like crap because this guy was doing everything right but I did NOT want any of it. I told her that I have to trust my gut. I haven’t had such a strong gut reaction to a guy since I went out with Crazy Felon Mike (and look how that turned out! He was an international Felon! Boy can I pick ‘em!)

So once I pull the trigger and tell him, I’m back to the summer of Melissa and my self-imposed dating break. It shouldn’t be this stressful, right? I just can’t handle it. The right one is out there, and he won’t make me feel like this.

Sigh.