Without this sounding too narcissistic, can I just say that I think I’m a catch? I have a good job, I have a good family and friends. I’m funny. I have hobbies like running and reading. I am intelligent. I have a college degree. I don’t have massive amounts of debt–just a car loan. Heck, I’ve even paid off my student loans! I’m in pretty good shape, and in terms of looks, most days I look in the mirror and I’m not repulsed by what I see, so that’s something, right??

You may ask, where is she going with all of this? What is her point?

My point is this: (Charlotte said it best!)

I am 33 years old. I’m still young(ish). I don’t have a lot of baggage. I have no ex husband, no children. I’m quite the anomaly in the dating scene, let me just say! 

So why is it that all the men I seem to attract have more issues than People Magazine?? My ex boyfriend (who still loves me, by the way!) is terrified of commitment. That is what broke us up. He is so scared of what might happen if we take the plunge and get married that he is willing to push me away (but still wants to be friends and hang out a lot!) and be alone. He has straight up told me that he knows that I’m “it” for him. He exhausts me.

Sooo…I’m dating again. I went out with a guy a few weekends ago who only wanted to get into my pants. He just kept pushing me to have sex with him. No dude. Just stop it.

I had what I would consider the best first date ever a 10 days ago. We went to dinner and then drinks and 5.5 hours later we finally tore ourselves away and went home. He even kissed me in the falling snow after he walked me back to my car. Romance factor: 11.

Fast forward to Thursday night. He came over and I made us pizza. We ate and watched tv. In the middle of kissing me, he told me he had to tell me something. My mind raced to what it might be. What it was about blew me away. He told me that he’s “Emotionally Unavailable” right now.

UMMMMM. What??? Is that just your way of saying that you just want to make out and get into my pants? Fair enough. At least he is honest.

He’s 32. Divorced, with a 4 year old son. He is a firefighter here in Lincoln and we have so much in common that I’m really bummed that he’s a douche-bag. Because where have all the good guys gone? Are they even out there?

I assume you’ve heard the song “Hide Away” By Daya? As always, I find songs that relate to my life. This section of lyrics in particular:

Where do the good boys go to hide away, hide away?
I’m a good, good girl who needs a little company
Looking high and low, someone let me know
Where do the good boys go to hide away, hide away?

Boys seem to like the girls
Who like to kiss and tell
Talking them up about the things they do so well
But I’d rather find a boy
Who is down for the chase
Putting in the time that it takes
To be fly as a mother (Hey!)
To supply all of my heart’s demands
Suit and tie cause under cover
He’s gonna save my life like superman
Hey!

I am exhausted too. Is it too much to ask for a good guy? One who has his crap together? Who tries? Who doesn’t just want to sleep with me on the first date and when that doesn’t happen never calls again? Who makes the effort for me? Because I know I’m worth the effort!

Dating after losing weight is weird. All my life I was told that I had “such a pretty face.” The unspoken words that followed that were …if you’d just lose the weight. So I did. I lost the weight. I completely changed how I looked. I grew my hair out. I started to get attention from men that never looked at me before. Isn’t it weird how when you take up so much space, that no one can actually “see” you? But when you are so much smaller and tiny they can’t stop looking? 

I have no answers. Maybe I’m just destined to be alone.