Tag: Before and After

Pictures are a funny thing. They freeze a moment in time. And sometimes, they freeze your feelings with them. I changed my Facebook profile picture to the picture of me in the red shirt this morning. I took it last night, after I got home from the Bon Jovi concert.

As I was perusing the other pictures in my profile album, I found this gem. It is from New Year’s Eve 2007 into 2008. I vividly remember that night. There was a boy I liked. He didn’t even know I existed, but I was hopeful that New Year’s Eve would change all that. I feel like I can see the desperation in my eyes. Those feelings still haunt me. I was still so unhappy with my body then. I was even down 80 pounds or even more at the point. I can still feel those feelings when I look at the picture. 

In contrast, when I look at the picture I took last night, I see a happy woman. She’s in charge of her own life. (Perhaps some of that will just come with time and age?) But most of all, I see someone who knows what she wants and is going to get it. That’s the difference. I know how to make my dreams come true now. 

What a powerful feeling.

Sometimes, you just forget. You forget how far you’ve come. Who you used to be. What it felt like to be that girl. That girl who ate to feel better, but knew it didn’t help.

And then sometimes you find a piece of your past. Stuffed away, and forgotten in a drawer. A piece of you that you haven’t seen for years.

And you remember.

You remember the feelings, the shame, the unhappiness. It all comes rushing back, and it weighs more than you used to. But you don’t have to carry that weight anymore.

What a relief.

I thought I had gotten rid of all of my fat pants. I found these this weekend while cleaning out the spare room at my parent’s house. I can fit into one pant leg!! I don’t know if I even know who that girl was that used to wear those pants! Those are size 24 pants. I currently wear a size 6 or 8 pants.

It’s true, you do gain something when you lose weight. I’ve gained a whole new life, a new perspective.

And that’s just fabulous.

The mind is a funny thing.

On a daily basis, I don’t know if I actually SEE myself. Know what I mean? David recently wrote a post about this.

Sure, I look in the mirror and get ready for work each day, but there are the moments when I walk by my full length mirror and I’m taken aback. When I don’t know who that person in mirror is.

I’ve lost 150 pounds. That’s a person! That’s another me! But I just don’t always see it. I don’t see myself as the girl on the left anymore. I’m not sure if I even recognize her. But to be honest with you, I don’t see myself as the girl on the right most days. I’m somwhere inbetween. It’s funny how your brain gets stuck thinking you look one way, when you’ve completely changed. 

I’m too hard on myself. Too critical. My stomach isn’t flat, my thighs are too big, etc. I’ve spent so many years focused on what is wrong with my body that I don’t always see what’s RIGHT with it.

This morning, after I got done with my run, I was changing to hop in the shower. When I saw myself in the mirror I was surprised. Surprised at how strong I’ve become, how lean. How my body looks in and out of clothes. It was a “Come-To-Jesus-Moment” if I’ve ever had one. Clarity. Peace. I finally SAW myself. Saw the power in my legs, not the fat. Saw the strength in my core and stomach–not the fact that it isn’t flat yet. Saw muscles and cellulite…things that make me, me.

And that was powerful.

Stunning realizations for a Friday morning.

First Picture: New Year’s Eve 2008, heading into 2009. I had lost 40-50ish pounds at this point.

2nd picture: New Year’s Eve 2011. I’ve lost 150 pounds. (i couldn’t get anyone to take a full body shot, so I give you:

3rd picture: Christmas Eve 2011. I have a goofy expression on my face, but, oh what a difference a few years makes! 🙂

Before and After

This is me, in June of 2004 at my older brother’s wedding. I found the picture on their mantel the other day and gasped when I saw it. I didn’t recognize the girl that I was looking at. It’s hard to remember what it was like at that weight. But that bridesmaids dress was a size 22 or 24, and I had to get a waist cincher in order to fit into it, because from the time I had gotten fit for it and ordered it months before until the weeks before the wedding, I had gained more weight, and the top of the dress wasn’t going to fit unless I had some sucking in power to hold me all night.

I will never be her again.

For contrast, this picture was taken last Saturday night at my Friend’s going away party, before I left to meet up with The Man From Brazil. It is one of only 3 photos that prove I was actually at the bar for the party! 🙂

Fabulous little orange print dress from Victoria’s Secret: Size M.

Behold, the power of running, eating right and a strong will!

Edit: No, I wasn’t drunk, or sunburned. Not sure why my nose is so red. Weird.