Tag: dating

OF COURSE It would happen to me!

Last night, while at a Omaha Symphony Orchestra performance, Ghosts of Boyfriends Past came up to bite me in the butt.

Sigh. Seriously.

I was a friend’s concert and a guy that I went out with 3 times 2 years ago was there.

Oh, not only was he at this concert with about 400 people in attendance. But he sat RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! 

A backstory: he’s related to my friend’s co-worker (who is now a friend of mine) I found this out when I met this co-worker in December. We laughed about it. Never in a million years did I think I’d see him. Or sit less than a foot away from him!

So that was awkward.

But it gets worse!

There was a reception afterwards ($75 or you had to be on the list. I was on the list, thankyouverymuch!) And co-worker and his boyfriend and my bestie and I were all sitting together. Since co-worker and This Ex are related they had to say hi. So he comes over WITH HIS FIANCE! to talk to co-worker. I am having a discussion with co-worker’s boyfriend. And then there’s a tap-tap-tap on my shoulder.

Yup. You guessed right, the Ex wanted to say hi and introduce me to his fiance. Oh yeah. Did I mention that HE STARTED DATING HER AFTER WE BROKE UP? I am Good Luck Chuck. I quit.

I stood up, he introduced us, I was polite, sweet and ON. He was saying “Melissa and I…” And then his fiance interrupted him. I really wish I knew what he was going to say! I ended up saying “Ex and I went out a few times a couple of years ago!” It was fine. We were laughing about how small the world is. That’s because his fiance is cousin’s with my rooomie and co-worker!

I GIVE UP! Gah.

Oh yeah, Ex Man Friend was supposed to be there too, but he texted me and said he wouldn’t be able to make it. Probably for the best, let’s be honest. That would have been 2 exes in 1 room with me.

I need to move. Far, far away. I’ve dated too many men here in Nebraska. I can’t get away from my exes. They just keep coming out of the woodwork.

A Tale of One Weekend (In 2 Parts) Pt. 1

I had another: “This could only happen to Melissa” Moment Friday night:

I got into work at Corky and my coworker told me she had a story for me, that was ABOUT me! My stomach dropped and I said, “what?” warily. 

She proceeded to tell me that a woman who is a regular at Corky popped in about a half hour earlier to buy a bottle of booze she likes off of us. She then told my coworker that she was on a date but that her date wouldn’t come into the studio because “he had gone out on a date with Melissa before.”

…

Yup. If you’re new here, that makes 2 guys in 3 weeks that I have gone out on dates with in the past that have stopped in or have come to class at the studio.

My coworker asked what his name was, and she told her. She tried to think of his nickname, but couldn’t. The woman said that we had gone out a few months ago. My coworker said that I had been dating someone the past few months (ex man friend) and so it had to be before that. And the woman said that we had gone out once. This is all true. Expect that this guy (whom I called Blender B, cuz he blends all his food together when he eats at home) gave me the creep out vibe. I went out with him once in July and I stress-sweated the entire 2 days before the date, and during the whole date. Ugh. 

Blender B. came in for a minute and my coworker was not impressed. She told them we had a few open spots if they wanted to paint that night. He did not want to, and they left. She laughed and told me the story when I arrived 20 minutes later.

I seriously think it’s time I contemplated moving out of the state. It is clearly not safe for me here any longer. In the past 2 months I have run into 3 guys I have dated, 1 of them while I was hanging out with ex man friend! 2 in Lincoln and 1 in Omaha. I’m done. 

This would happen to me!

To be continued….

Wanna know the BEST part?

The ex that just got engaged last night asked the Nebraska Husker Basketball coach to help him out and make a video to help him propose to his girlfriend. The coach obliged. The video is becoming pretty popular on youtube. (I’m not linking to it, sorry!)

So OF COURSE our sports department did a story on it for the news at 6pm today! As the Sports Director was downloading it I saw it, and said something to him. He said he had talked to the Coach as well. I said, “That’s my ex-boyfriend." 

The Sports Director started laughing and said "Ouch!" 

Pretty much, dude. Pretty much.

I told my co-workers at Corky about this. They said that this would only happen to me! Seems right.

I also remembered that another ex-boyfriend recently got engaged a few weeks ago! It’s the girl he started dating after me as well! I know, I know. I don’t want to be with any of these exes, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not sad that I’m still alone, ya know?

That makes 1 former boyfriend who married the next girl after me, and 2 that are engaged, and 1 that is nearly engaged. I’m doing AWESOME!

Thanks for the words of encouragement friends!

I am the female Good Luck Chuck!

Are you guys sick of reading about my love life yet? Feel free to skip this post then. 

  • My first serious boyfriend recently married the next girl that he started dating after he broke up with me. I saw the posts on Facebook. It really didn’t bother me. (Although one of their wedding photos did: it’s of his left hand on her lower back/upper butt area. Looked weird and kind of off-putting.)
  • This guy I dated for awhile in 2011 started dating this girl that he has been with ever since then. Mutual friends say they are talking marriage. Whatevs, he was a bit of a jerk. I don’t miss him.
  • This morning, imagine my surprise when I saw on Facebook that another ex-boyfriend who I dated for about 4 months in 2012 was engaged. To the girl he started dating about 2 months after we broke up.
  • Actually, maybe I wasn’t surprised. It’s pretty much par for the course when it comes to my love life. 
  • And those are just the ones I can think of! I’m sure there are more that I don’t even know about. 
  • So, any single male Tumblrs out there want to find love? Just date me for awhile, then the woman you are supposed to marry will come into your life! 

That’s how it works, apparently.

I’d just like to find the male equivalent of me. I can date him, then find the love of my life after that. Maybe my dating disaster stories can have a happy ending someday.

Of COURSE it would happen to me!

Last night at Corky was couples night. We did the painting Starry Night (yup, just like the Van Gogh, but not quite the same). We had the painting so couples could paint it across 2 canvases and then hang them together. Perfect date night. We’re doing more of these for Valentine’s Day. I’m working those nights. Joy.

Anyway, Can you imagine my total and utter surprise when a guy I went out with once last year walked in? With his girlfriend and two other couples. This wouldn’t be a big deal except for the nickname I’ve given this guy: 
Blowjob Justin.

Now, I haven’t told you guys about Blowjob Justin. Frankly, it’s a little insulting. But, now I have to it seems.

Last February while I was still on Match, I had a date with this guy. He was nice, funny, cute and I liked him. We did dinner at my favorite sandwich place and then went to get drinks at a bar nearby. It was fine. Good time. But then, when we left it got weird.

The guy asked me for a blowjob! On the first date! After I had just met him! We had been kissing and then he told me to “put my talented tongue to use…” and do THAT.

UM, EXCUSE ME?! No. I declined. Telling him that I had read enough books and seen enough movies to know how THAT turned out.

He asked what I meant by that, and I said that no matter if I did or didn’t, he would never call me either way…so no, it wasn’t going to happen.

He assured me he would call me. At this point, I was insulted and irritated. I told him a firm “no freakin’ way” and left.

Guess what? I’ve never seen him again until last night! He didn’t call. Surprise, surprise. 

I’m sorry, but I JUST met you and you want me to put THAT in my mouth? NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!

Oy. My life. Seriously.

My Corky co-worker laughed so hard when I calmly turned to her (after he was across the room) and said, “That’s blowjob Justin!" 

This is my life. These are my choices. I can’t make this stuff up.

Never A Dull Moment

My love life is always dramatic. Case and point: this past weekend.

  • I tried online dating again for 9 days. I had 44 messages in those 9 days. Some of them were so inappropriate. Most were nice and called me “beautiful”, “gorgeous” or “hot” in the greeting. I like that. Thanks for that. One even called me “dimples.”
  • One described, in detail, what he would like to do to my face. (shudders) Ugh. No thanks. I’m scarred for life now.
  • I went on 2 dates with one guy. There was something that gave me a creeped out vibe. But he did ask me out for a 2nd date (which would have been our 4th date) in a very cute way. I mentioned my love of jr. mints and he brought some to the station and wrote on the box :“are you free Saturday night?” It was cute and I said yes. Then we had lunch Wednesday and he wanted to do dinner Thursday. It was too much for me and I ended it via text. I felt horrible. He wanted to talk about it. I stood firm: he was 38, not yet divorced! (that’s still 2 months away) with 3 kids and it was just too much. 
  • So basically, he gave me (on paper) what I wanted: a guy who is totally in to me, texted me throughout the day, brought me cute, thoughtful gifts (to work!) and wanted to see me basically everyday. And I didn’t want it. What is wrong with me?  Oh yeah, my gut was screaming “run away!” I couldn’t hardly look him in the eye. There’s something wrong with that.
  • A 25 year old guy kept texting me. I also felt creeped out. He wouldn’t get the hint that I didn’t want to talk. Like when I said, “I don’t think this is going to work out.” He wanted to be friends, and if “something happened, then something happened.” Ugh. No. Never gonna happen. He also kept telling me he had “credentials.” What does that even mean? I just don’t know. You don’t know me, we aren’t friends. No. Sorry. It’s done.
  • So I had to install an app that blocks texts and calls (my phone is old enough that it won’t just do that).
  • He’s blocked, but now, since he called and texted SO MUCH I have text message anxiety. Every time my text goes off now I get a little panicky and hesitate to look at the text message. But so far today its been from my brother and my former roomie. Whew. And I know he can’t get to me, but still. I don’t feel quite safe.
  • This whole dating thing sucks. I like dating. I do. I enjoy it (sometimes). I love men. And flirting. And going out. But there are so many weirdos out there, that I just can’t even handle it. Anybody have any brilliant ideas? There has to be a better way than this. 

Someday my prince will come. Right?! Oy.

No…. Just No.

Conversations with a co-worker

Her: “Ooo! Did you ever meet {Redacted}? 

Me: "Yes. When ex-boyfriend and I at the time stayed at his and his wife’s house on our way to Colorado.”

Her: “Well! He and his wife are divorced! You should totally go out with him! He’s a lawyer and you like divorced guys!”

Me: ………. “Um. Well, I don’t LIKE divorced guys in specific. It just seems that I have dated a few.” (quick count: 3)

Her: “Well, you like Lawyers.” (Ex Man Friend is a lawyer).

Me: “So apparently I liked divorced men who are lawyers?”

Her: “YES!”

Me: “Why are they getting divorced?”

Her: “Oh, they cheated on each other.”

Me: ……“yeah, I don’t think so. But thanks though.”

Her: “He’s tall though! And cute!”

Me: “But he cheats! What makes you think he won’t cheat on me?”

Her: “Oh yeah. Didn’t think of that.”

Me: ………. Walks away.

I just can’t even. This is my life. 

“Moving on is easy. It’s staying moved on that’s trickier.” ― Katerina Stoykova Klemer

I told you guys that this past Sunday I was doing the Ugly Sweater Run with my most recent ex man friend. Friends and family were equally parts skeptical and supportive that we can just be friends.

And ya know what? It was fine. We were fine. Things went well and I’m glad. There were a few moments where if either one of us would have said “F this,” and moved in for a kiss it would have been ON! but it didn’t happen. And I’d like to think its because I have exceptional willpower! Trust me, there were too many moments of being too close together (friends shouldn’t hug and hold each other for THAT long, right? That’s what I thought.) Things could have been VERY different. 

A photo of us before the Ugly Sweater Run: Don’t we look so pretty? I love the hats!

Interesting things:

  • He asked me how I am, then his follow up question is if I am dating anyone. I told him no and that I thought I had the holiday blues. His followup to that was if I was blue because I don’t have a gentleman caller to take home to meet my family? I said no, just blue. I thought his line of questioning was funny. Clearly, he still cares. 
  • After the run, we saw a guy I dated this past spring. I avoided him and skirted around him. Awkward! Ex Man Friend said, “all of Melissa’s ex boyfriends should remain single the rest of their lives.” I said, no, I never said it. This was just one of the guys that ghosted me. Strange.
  • He posted a picture of us at the run on Facebook. His brother in law texted his dad (who doesn’t have FB) and said “Ex Man friend posted a picture of himself and the girl he’d gotten pregnant.” That was supposed to be a joke…that that was how he told him family-by posting a picture. But I took it as I looked fat. He felt awful and kept hugging me and telling me how beautiful and attractive I am. That went on for awhile. He felt bad. I told him he was working to undo about 15 years of me being messed up in the head and it wasn’t going to go away in 5 minutes of him telling me these things. Sigh.

It was good. Good to see him, and good to be friends. And that’s all it is. That’s all I can handle. He’s a dear friend and while it has taken me about a month to “get over it” I think I finally am. 

And you know what? That’s freakin’ awesome! 🙂

I’m seeing ex-man friend tonight. I’m going to Omaha to hang out with the friends that introduced us to go to these First Friday events. Its going to be about 2 degrees so that should be fun! But ex-man friend asked me earlier this week (yes, we are still talking-texting really) if he could hang out with us tonight. I said yes.

So of course that means I must look fabulous, despite the cold weather! My hair is coiffed, the ‘war-paint’ is on, I have on my ‘sexy pants!’ I wanna make him weep!  Hope I succeed! 

I will keep you posted friends!