Notes from the Universe are always so timely and appropriate.
“Here’s a trick, Melissa, for dealing with someone who’s disappointed you:
Imagine how they looked as a very young child – timid, a little scared, really cute, and truly not knowing any better – and realize this is who you’re dealing with now."
Aw-w-w-w,
The Universe
This. This is how I feel today. This week. Right now. I’m pretending things are fine. But they’re not. Not really.
But eventually? I’ll be ok. And that’s all I can really expect.
WE’RE over. Broken Up. Again. This time for good. I can’t say I’m surprised, but I’m sad. So very sad. We were together for 3 months. That’s long enough to know that you like someone a lot. I do/did. Sigh.
He texted me this morning, a long message. Telling me that he had given it a lot of thought, and didn’t think that he should be in a relationship right now. That he does’t have the capacity to be the person he wants to be in the relationship, and that it’s not good for either one of us. He apologized for allowing the demons to overtake him again. He said its not fair to me and he feels awful for what he’s done to me.
I called him. We talked for an hour and a half. It was good. Maybe the sweetest, but saddest breakup I’ve ever been through. We talked, we laughed. We both want to keep talking to each other. But I don’t know how healthy that is. I just don’t know. He apologized for doing this to me twice. I told him I was originally going to fight for us. I had all my reasons as to why we should be together. But I understand. He needs to be a whole person before he can be in a relationship with me or anyone else. He lets his work overtake his life. (He’s a lawyer and the director of a Non-Profit). He needs balance. I can’t do that for him.
And I deserve the fairy tale. A man who is ready for a real relationship. Who wants to be with me. Who wants to get married someday. (Currently, he doesn’t want to get married again. That’s something I want someday.) He’s out there, somewhere. I know it.
I’ve cried again. Not the body-wracking sobs that came the last time. But mostly tears of sadness. For what could have been, if he had been ready, been whole. I’m sad. But I know I will get through this. Time heals all wounds.
Thanks for being here for me friends. I need that. Your kind words and messages have made me realize that I’m not really alone.
So for now, I take care of me. Happiness comes from within, and while I am happy. I want to be happy from within. Does that mean I run more, spend more time with friends now that I’ve freed up other time? I don’t know. But I do know, that I will survive. Heartache and I are old friends. And while I wallow today, each day will get a little better.
It has to. I deserve that much.
My friend told me last night, as I was dumping my heartache on him about manfriend and I’s current situation, that he ‘can’t wait to read my memoirs someday.’
He says that because my dating adventures are so ridiculous that people think I should write them down.
In fact, my co-worker’s son has! He’s a college sophomore and he has written a play for a class about my love life. And the fact that I like to give nicknames to some of the losers I’ve dated. Oy. My life.
My brother (good-naturedly I suppose) called me a ‘dating slut’ a few weeks ago. He says that only because I’ve gone out with and dated a lot of men in the past few years.
He then asked me how many men I have dated this year. Upon further reflection, I discovered that number is 9. Doesn’t seem like THAT many, right? Whatevs. I’m not ashamed of it.
Another co-worker (who is married) told me that she loves my dating adventures, and that the problems I face in the relationships seem so much worse than the things she complains about with her husband.
I’m glad I can entertain people with my misadventures in the dating world. It’s bound to workout someday, right?
Sorry for the brain dump. Sometimes you just need to get it all out, right? Thanks for listening.
Wise words from Glamour magazine columnist “Jake”. My friend Gina (who is 48) has been telling me to “keep busy” during my all my dating experiences. She says men find women who are busy intriguing…they want to fight to be a part of our busy lives. I’m taking her advice.
And ya know what?
She’s totally right.
Tumblr, you guys are great with advice.
I agree, the ex appears to be using me as his emotional pillow. Keeping me on the hook because he knows that I’ll be there. But the thing that got me thinking was what Sam said: How does this all make me feel? What do I want?
Smart woman, that Sam is. I’m still thinking, but in the meantime, I’m guarding my heart. That’s what’s important, right?
Also, this shirt can be found here. Buy it, you won’t regret it. I totally wore it for the Fargo Marathon in May with Brooke, Johnna, and Bailee. Got a lot of smiles and comments on it! Whoops, I didn’t realize it was sold out! I’m sorry ladies!
Thanks for the words of wisdom friends! You’re the best!
I’m interested in the male perspective here:
Can you really ever be friends with an Ex?
Long story short, my ex broke up with me on the 12th. During the discussion he said he wanted to remain friends because he felt like he still needed to be able to text me, talk to me and see me. I said yes, because when I’ve had other breakups, we’ve said the same thing and NOTHING ever comes of that.
So imagine my surprise when he texted me last Wednesday-4 days after the breakup. He said he wanted to talk to me, but didn’t think it was fair to me for him to want that. I replied awhile later, saying I wanted to talk to him too. I didn’t hear anything back.
Fast forward to Sunday. He texted me, saying he hoped I was doing well, and then proceeded to make conversation. We texted for about 2 hours.
AND THEN last night he texted me at 10:30, saying he was sorry for freaking out about being in a serious relationship, that he’s an idiot when it comes to relationships and that he clearly needs to work on himself. (The whole reason for the break was due to him needing to work on himself and not freak out about liking someone so much again. He’s divorced.) I have not been the one to text him first. I reply back to his texts.
I sit here wondering, What does he want from me? Does he honestly just want to be friends? Is he trying to stay in my life so I don’t move on? I honestly don’t know.
HELP tumblr! What do you think? Does this guy really just want to be friends?
You know how LinkedIn sends emails with the subject “Melissa, do you know _____?” and then they put some past collegues or look in your gmail address book and find people that you aren’t yet LinkedIn with?
Today, it’s the Parade of Ex-Boyfriends.
5, count ‘em, 5! of my ex’s are in the “people you may know” section today.
RUDE.
As I lay in bed last night, trying to fall asleep, my mind was racing. Yesterday had been a crap day. And no David, it wasn’t because of a big date! 🙂
Without going into a lot of detail, I’ve been looking at other jobs and have had several interviews and a lot of ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ Last week I had another, the company is great, I’d love the job, the people who I’d get to work with, everything about it. They made it sound like they wanted me. But again, another ‘thanks but no thanks’ email. I was crushed. The pay was significantly more than I make now, and pretty great benefits. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. However, the boss did ask if I would do some video editing for them on a contract basis, so that’s at least something.
I’ve been so stressed about it; my contract here at the TV station is up Sept. 15th, so they will want to talk negotiations soon. So that impacts my life and decisions.
You know when you want something so, so much and its there, dangling in front of you, but you just can’t quite reach it?
That’s how I feel. Jobs are out there, but I just can’t quite seem to get them. It’s frustrating.
Then, I got kicked while I was down.
I was telling my friend about the job and said that I’d feel better if one area of my life felt successful. My love life? That’s laughable. My family? My dad needs a better job and my mom has to have back surgery at the end of the month. My career? See above.
Then she dropped a bizarre bomb. She is the friend who knew the guy I went out with twice in May before I began the Summer of Melissa and ended my Match account. He was a good guy (or so I thought) but after 2 dates he ‘ghosted’ me. Totally disappeared. Whatever, I moved on. Hadn’t thought about him in a long time.
She told me that she saw him a few weeks ago and asked him what was the deal with he and I. His response?
He looked at her, and cryptically said, “She’s very tall.”
…
Um, what? I’m 5’9", yes, that IS tall for a woman when the average height for women is 5’4". But he was taller than me by at least an inch or so. And I rarely wear heels, and didn’t wear them on the date. Besides, my match profile said how tall I am!
Talk about kicking someone when they’re down. This is why I’m not dating right now…what a dumb reason to stop talking to someone and just disappear on them.
Anyway, thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate all of you! Things did look better in the morning, even if I couldn’t tear myself out of bed to run before work.
It’s been about a month since I started my little “Summer of Melissa” Project.
Let’s check in on my goals, shall we?
1. Pay off/down credit cards.
This is going well. The 2nd job is helping immensely. I’ve paid off 1 card completely and am on track to pay the other 2 off by the end of the year. I’m not spending needless money. Its nice.
2. My self-imposed dating break.
Well, aside from the disasterous date with “Blender Blake". I’m doing well on this one. However, my roomie is talking about setting me up. I’m down with that. I’m just not doing the online thing right now. It was way too stressful. I have NOT missed that stress in my life.
3. Change up the workout.
Well…on that front. I’ve been biking more. That’s so much fun! I haven’t done any yoga or lifted any weights. HOWEVER! I am 34 days into the 100 day pushup challenge. They are getting easier and I’m seeing some definition. It’s awesome. I’ve also been planking. I’m up to 2:40. Its hard, but totally worth it. You can see the muscles in my upper arms when I’m planking! Score!
I’ve got 60 days left to lose these stupid 8 pounds. I’m considering joining a gym near my house where my morning editor goes. Its only $30/month if I want to do the classes. $20/month if I just want to lift weights and use the machines. I’m mulling it over. It certainly goes against my spending diet. But I need to lift!
Hope you all have a great week friends!
Runnin' Down a Dream 