Last night I had a perfectly nice date with a perfectly nice guy. In fact, he did everything right., but I was just NOT feelin’ it. Sunday I started stress-sweating. I only got worse on Monday. At some point that day I realized that I did NOT want to go out with him. My gut was screaming at me that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I traced it back to when he sent me (unprompted) a photo of himself at a wedding in a tux. It weirded me out. I haven’t met you and you’re sending me a picture? Maybe something IS wrong with me? I don’t know.

He did nothing wrong on the date-texted when he was running late, opened doors for me. He tried to put a song that we had talked about several days before that I said I liked onto his iPod for us to listen to on the way to the restaurant. It didn’t work, but it was a sweet gesture nonetheless.  

We had good conversation, but I was NOT feelin’ it. In fact, I didn’t want him to touch me, I didn’t want to look him in the eyes, or even at him. I even subconsciously put my purse between us as we were walking to the restaurant, just in case he tried to hold my hand! (Seriously, what is wrong with me?)

He paid for dinner and then carried my leftovers while went to get some ice cream from a local parlor. He paid for the ice cream. When our hands brushed while opening the door, I had to stop myself from recoiling. (ack, really Melissa?)

When he dropped me off at my car, I actually RAN away! He was telling me that he had a good time and wanted to call me again. I said my stomach was upset from the ice cream, said I had a great time too, (why, oh why am I so nice and prolong this stuff?) and said I needed to run. I then bolted from the car and back inside my work. I waited until he left and went home.

When he left I felt relieved. I know he’s going to call again and I know I have to be honest and tell him I just wasn’t feeling that connection. My friend that set it up asked me if I just liked guys who treated me like crap because this guy was doing everything right but I did NOT want any of it. I told her that I have to trust my gut. I haven’t had such a strong gut reaction to a guy since I went out with Crazy Felon Mike (and look how that turned out! He was an international Felon! Boy can I pick ‘em!)

So once I pull the trigger and tell him, I’m back to the summer of Melissa and my self-imposed dating break. It shouldn’t be this stressful, right? I just can’t handle it. The right one is out there, and he won’t make me feel like this.

Sigh.

So I’ve dubbed this summer as the Summer of Melissa…I’m focusing on me and changing my life. Changing up my workout routine, getting control of my finances, and most importantly, NOT dating. I’m not looking, I’m not trying, I’m just worried about myself.

And you know what? That feels awesome! I’m running, biking, weight-training, doing push ups and planks (and am starting to see some results 12 days in!) I’ve paid off 2 credit cards and am on track to be debt free by (hopefully) the end of the year. I’m happy and I’m buzzing right along…enjoying my summer.

However, you know what’s strange? When you’re not looking for it, romance DOES have a way of (trying) to find you. Case and point:

My co-worker has been wanting to set me up with this guy that comes on our Midday Forums (community interview segments during the 11am news) for awhile. It never worked out. I was dating someone, he was dating someone. I told her I wasn’t really interested this last go-around, but she still persisted. So 2 weeks ago she conspired and got my business card with my cell phone number to him, (with my permission) and she eagerly awaited the “good” news.

I will tell you that I immediately wrote him off. I figured he wouldn’t text or call. But he did! He texted me Tuesday while I was working at my PT job and we ended up talking for an hour and a half that night…the next night, and the night after that as well. He asked me out to dinner Wednesday night and we have our first date tonight. He’s totally pursuing me and I should LOVE that…and I do. But….(and its a big but) he’s a little odd. I’m not sure if I’m physically attracted to him, but I do know that we talk easily and he makes me laugh.

We shall see.

We’re going to dinner at my favorite Thai place. I’m not too heavily invested in this; if it works out great. But if not? Well, its still the summer of Melissa and I’m just fine with that!

Happy Monday friends!