Tag: me

I just need a win!

As I lay in bed last night, trying to fall asleep, my mind was racing. Yesterday had been a crap day. And no David, it wasn’t because of a big date! 🙂

Without going into a lot of detail, I’ve been looking at other jobs and have had several interviews and a lot of ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ Last week I had another, the company is great, I’d love the job, the people who I’d get to work with, everything about it. They made it sound like they wanted me. But again, another ‘thanks but no thanks’ email. I was crushed. The pay was significantly more than I make now, and pretty great benefits. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. However, the boss did ask if I would do some video editing for them on a contract basis, so that’s at least something.

I’ve been so stressed about it; my contract here at the TV station is up Sept. 15th, so they will want to talk negotiations soon. So that impacts my life and decisions.

You know when you want something so, so much and its there, dangling in front of you, but you just can’t quite reach it?

That’s how I feel. Jobs are out there, but I just can’t quite seem to get them. It’s frustrating.

Then, I got kicked while I was down.

I was telling my friend about the job and said that I’d feel better if one area of my life felt successful. My love life? That’s laughable. My family? My dad needs a better job and my mom has to have back surgery at the end of the month. My career? See above.

Then she dropped a bizarre bomb. She is the friend who knew the guy I went out with twice in May before I began the Summer of Melissa and ended my Match account. He was a good guy (or so I thought) but after 2 dates he ‘ghosted’ me. Totally disappeared. Whatever, I moved on. Hadn’t thought about him in a long time.

She told me that she saw him a few weeks ago and asked him what was the deal with he and I. His response?

He looked at her, and cryptically said, “She’s very tall.”

…

Um, what? I’m 5’9", yes, that IS tall for a woman when the average height for women is 5’4". But he was taller than me by at least an inch or so. And I rarely wear heels, and didn’t wear them on the date. Besides, my match profile said how tall I am!

Talk about kicking someone when they’re down. This is why I’m not dating right now…what a dumb reason to stop talking to someone and just disappear on them.

Anyway, thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate all of you! Things did look better in the morning, even if I couldn’t tear myself out of bed to run before work.  

“If I don’t go for a run in this weather, it’s like spitting in Mother Nature’s face.” -Me

Vacation miles are the best kind of miles. You can run when you want, for how long you want, when the mood strikes. Love that.

The rain finally let up around 2 so I ran out for a 5k. It was a decent run, and I’m pleased. Vacation is good…hope you all have a great week friends!

The mind is a funny thing.

On a daily basis, I don’t know if I actually SEE myself. Know what I mean? David recently wrote a post about this.

Sure, I look in the mirror and get ready for work each day, but there are the moments when I walk by my full length mirror and I’m taken aback. When I don’t know who that person in mirror is.

I’ve lost 150 pounds. That’s a person! That’s another me! But I just don’t always see it. I don’t see myself as the girl on the left anymore. I’m not sure if I even recognize her. But to be honest with you, I don’t see myself as the girl on the right most days. I’m somwhere inbetween. It’s funny how your brain gets stuck thinking you look one way, when you’ve completely changed. 

I’m too hard on myself. Too critical. My stomach isn’t flat, my thighs are too big, etc. I’ve spent so many years focused on what is wrong with my body that I don’t always see what’s RIGHT with it.

This morning, after I got done with my run, I was changing to hop in the shower. When I saw myself in the mirror I was surprised. Surprised at how strong I’ve become, how lean. How my body looks in and out of clothes. It was a “Come-To-Jesus-Moment” if I’ve ever had one. Clarity. Peace. I finally SAW myself. Saw the power in my legs, not the fat. Saw the strength in my core and stomach–not the fact that it isn’t flat yet. Saw muscles and cellulite…things that make me, me.

And that was powerful.

Stunning realizations for a Friday morning.

You guys!

Look at these guns baby! 36 days into the 100 day pushup challenge and I’m seeing results. 3 minutes planking is also helping!

My favorite part? Whatever that muscle is called that’s developing on the top and outside of my arm. Its freakin’ awesome!

My day is made!

Happy Thursday friends!

Things I’m doing right now: editing a music video for my friend that pays me to edit and do voice-over work for him.

The song is Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis, “Can’t hold us”.

After editing to it for 2 hours I officially hate it.

However, look at this sweet computer he set me up with! Its freaking awesome!

I just wanna go to bed… 😦

Awesome Things

Today we had a Biometric Screening at work. They checked our height/weight/BMI, waist circumference, blood pressure, Cholesterol, and triglycerides and the TC/HDL ratio, glucose, etc.

My numbers were FANTASTIC!!!

I’m down a pound from last week at my regular doc’s office! Only 7 more to go! My BMI? I’m totally normal! (Which I knew, but its nice having that confirmed!)

My waist circumference? 28inches! Um, hello?! I guess I am pretty tiny there…that’s awesome.

Blood pressure: 105/70-fantastic. Normal is 120/80 Pulse: 50-even better. Normal is 60-100. The screener was concerned until I told her I’m a runner. Then she wanted to talk about running and weight loss. I love that!

But the coolest part? My total Cholesterol was 167. HDL was 61. and my TC/HDL radio was 2.7 Anything under 200 for Total Cholesterol is great, the lower the better. For HDL the “desirable" numbers are above 60. Yeah baby! We didn’t do a fasting test so I don’t know the LDL numbers or triglycerides. My TC/HDL ratio should be less than 3.5.

She was concerned about my Glucose. for non-fasting it should be less than 140. Mine was 65! She asked me if I felt dizzy or faint, and did I need a protein bar?! I told her I was fine, and just was about to go heat up my lunch, so no worries. My mother the nurse told me to eat more for lunch (and carbs) to help that problem.

All in all, I’m pleased. These numbers are great and I know exactly what I need to do to lose those last few pounds.

Also awesome today? I did intervals during my run this morning again. It kind of sucked to do those 12 hours apart..HOWEVER, the weather was great! 58 degrees and humid, but sunny. It was a good morning for a run.

Hope you had a great hump day friends!

Just for Rich, I present you with my sassy pants. They are in reference to these posts. I wore them today for a little cheer–its rainy and cooler today.

The funny thing is, is that when I got these last summer one of my co-workers was oddly obsessed with them. But not in a “oh-my-gosh-I-love-your-pants kind of way” but a “why do you have green capri’s?” kind of way. I love them and they get lots of compliments whenever I wear them…so there!

Body confidence FTW!

I spent part of my night jumping on my parent’s trampoline.

Wearing only a sports bra and running shorts.

It was hot and I got super sweaty from jumping…that’s a great workout by the way! My abs, calves and quads are feeling it!

Neighbors were out, cars drove by and the drivers saw me. In fact, a man rode by on his bike and stared at me as he went.

And ya know what? I didn’t care! I didn’t cover anything up. And there was a little tummy jiggle. But ya know what? It wasn’t that bad! I’m not as jiggly as I think I am!

Today has been a good day!
Night friends!