Last night, my boyfriend Joe broke up with me.

I’ve said that sentence out loud several times. But somehow, writing it down makes it more real.

I knew something was up, and I could see it was coming when we went to dinner. He was acting weird. But I just hoped that I was wrong. Sometimes I think that I live my life just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m so superstitious when it comes to relationships. But what sucks is that I’m usually right. My gut always knows. And my gut knew that he was acting weird.

When we got back to his house, he dropped the bomb. He said that I was so nice, and kind, and caring, and that it was so hard to do this. But that he didn’t feel “that” way about me. I understood. But I sat there, silent while he talked to me.

And honestly, I don’t feel “that” way about him either. There wasn’t a spark for either of us. And there should be. On paper we should be great together. But we aren’t paper, we’re real life.

He and I both cried. He held me as I sobbed. And then we talked. We talked about us, our relationship, our ex’s, our lives, our pasts, anything and everything. And you know what? We held each other the entire time. We talked for 5 hours after we broke up. He told me that he still wants me in his life. That he wants to be friends. I told him that he was one of my favorite people and that I want him in my life too.

It may not make sense to anyone else, but we are going to be friends. I think that’s really what we were from the beginning. Just really good friends with benefits. And he says that he thinks that there may be some reason that we are in each other lives.

He told me his friends and family were going to be mad at him for breaking up with me. That they all really like me. That’s why I think we have to stay friends. We are just better that way. There wasn’t a spark for either of us. He told me that I deserved someone that would give me that. I told him the same. He told me I deserved a man who wanted to be with me all the time, and call me all the time. I agree.

We are going to a fireworks show together Tuesday night. I’m glad. I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

More than anything, I’m sad. Sad about the seismic shift in our relationship. I told him that I liked having someone to cuddle, to hold me, to kiss, to hold my hand. He said he liked that too. And said when I needed to be held, he would be here for me. Sometimes its nice just to be held and comforted. We’re going to stay friends. Keep talking, because neither of us wants to lose that. When we were finally done talking, he walked me to my car and kissed me one last time. It was bittersweet, but just reinforced what we had to face; we are better as friends.

My friends are amazing. One of them brought me flowers and my friend Keith bought me jr. mints! (my fav!) It made me cry.

Thanks for listening friends. Sometimes, life is rough. This appears to be one of those weeks.