Timing is everything

Notes from the Universe are always so timely and appropriate.

“Here’s a trick, Melissa, for dealing with someone who’s disappointed you:

Imagine how they looked as a very young child – timid, a little scared, really cute, and truly not knowing any better – and realize this is who you’re dealing with now."

Aw-w-w-w,
The Universe

This. This is how I feel today. This week. Right now. I’m pretending things are fine. But they’re not. Not really.

But eventually? I’ll be ok. And that’s all I can really expect.

And just like that, it’s over

WE’RE over. Broken Up. Again. This time for good. I can’t say I’m surprised, but I’m sad. So very sad. We were together for 3 months. That’s long enough to know that you like someone a lot. I do/did. Sigh.

He texted me this morning, a long message. Telling me that he had given it a lot of thought, and didn’t think that he should be in a relationship right now. That he does’t have the capacity to be the person he wants to be in the relationship, and that it’s not good for either one of us. He apologized for allowing the demons to overtake him again. He said its not fair to me and he feels awful for what he’s done to me.

I called him. We talked for an hour and a half. It was good. Maybe the sweetest, but saddest breakup I’ve ever been through. We talked, we laughed. We both want to keep talking to each other. But I don’t know how healthy that is. I just don’t know. He apologized for doing this to me twice. I told him I was originally going to fight for us. I had all my reasons as to why we should be together. But I understand. He needs to be a whole person before he can be in a relationship with me or anyone else. He lets his work overtake his life. (He’s a lawyer and the director of a Non-Profit). He needs balance. I can’t do that for him.

And I deserve the fairy tale. A man who is ready for a real relationship. Who wants to be with me. Who wants to get married someday. (Currently, he doesn’t want to get married again. That’s something I want someday.) He’s out there, somewhere. I know it.

I’ve cried again. Not the body-wracking sobs that came the last time. But mostly tears of sadness. For what could have been, if he had been ready, been whole. I’m sad. But I know I will get through this. Time heals all wounds.

Thanks for being here for me friends. I need that. Your kind words and messages have made me realize that I’m not really alone.

So for now, I take care of me. Happiness comes from within, and while I am happy. I want to be happy from within. Does that mean I run more, spend more time with friends now that I’ve freed up other time? I don’t know. But I do know, that I will survive. Heartache and I are old friends. And while I wallow today, each day will get a little better.

It has to. I deserve that much.

You all are amazing

I’m serious. I know I put a lot of myself out there for you to read/see and you are such wonderful people that you respond so well, especially when I need it the most. You have made me feel better about the situation. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but still I feel better about feeling how I feel. He and I need to have a “Come-to-Jesus” talk. Soon. Currently, I’m not texting him or initiating conversation. I need some space to decide how I feel about us.

In other news, Tonight, I’m going to the Grand Opening of the New Outlet Mall in Gretna (near Omaha)! I know this sounds lame, but its actually pretty exciting! Fashion show, red carpet, and great new shops. We don’t actually have a real high end outlet mall. This is the first of its kind here. Coach, Nike, Under Amour, etc. Good stuff. So yes, lame, but not lame for Nebraska.

Tomorrow night is Froyo with a couple of my Lincoln ladies. I need some girl time.

Thanks for listening friends. Have a good Thursday!