I’m new(ish) to your blog and just saw that you’ve kept off 150lbs for 5 years! That is freaking amazing! Congratulations! Can you tell us about what it was that made you hit “rock bottom” to get you to being serious about the weight loss and how you did it! My very best friend needs/wants to lose about 150 and she tries, does well for a month, then goes back to eating whatever and not exercising. I know it’s a process but I love hearing success stories!

Hi there anon! Thanks for your kind words! Losing weight was hard, but keeping it off is even harder. You make a conscious choice every single day to choose yourself and your health. And sometimes, you just don’t wanna.

So you wanna know what made me hit “rock bottom”? Or perhaps what “rock bottom” was? To be completely honest, it was when my friend/co-worker looked at me, (while I was eating a juicy cheeseburger) and said, “why are you eating that crap?”

It shook me to my core. No one else had EVER dared to say anything about what I was eating–they won’t say it to your face, but they will silently judge you, or talk about you behind your back!

It was the push I needed to start eating better. I started by eating salads with chicken each night. Then I cut out sweet treats that I was buying myself every day. I cut down on pop. And the weight just started falling off. I was very heavy, so it came off fairly fast. At 5′9 I was 295 pounds. That is morbidly obese. There’s no way around it.

All I did was eat better for the first few months. That’s all I could do. I think if I would have made too many life changes at once I would have failed. But I did it in steps. About 6 weeks later my bff got engaged and we started going to the gym together. The weight kept melting away. I started eating better in June and by the time her wedding hit in April I was down about 60 pounds. At that point, I became single-minded in my focus. I want to get to 100 pounds lost. Then, I wanted to get to a normal weight for my size. Then, I realized I could get down to half my size, so I did, and then some more to hit 150 pounds.

I hit my goal weight in October of 2011. I’m part of the National Weight Control Registry (they track people who have lost 30 pounds or more and kept it off for at least a year). I totally changed what I ate and exercise habits. Tell your friend it is hard and it sucks and is TOTALLY WORTH IT!!

Some photos for a little perspective:

On the left Jan 1, 2009 On the right Jan. 20, 2016

Left:2005 Right: June 2015

A post about consistency

3 years separate those two photos. The one on the left popped up in my Facebook “On This Day” memory posts. A PR company sent my Husker hand-dyed Roses at work. It was pretty great!

Aside from a little more junk in the trunk now, I don’t think I’m too much heavier than I was in the weeks leading up to the 2012 Chicago Marathon, and that’s when I was in my very best shape. Not quite at my lowest weight (I looked like skelator and my doctor told me to re-gain a few pounds in early 2012).

But the fact is, I’m not as fat and gross as I think I am. All in all, I’m pretty consistent about my weight and my size. However, I want to get back to that girl on the left. That started last week. Eating better and moving more. It seems that I DO remember how to do that! 😉

Just please ignore whatever creepy look I’m doing in the photo from this weekend.

Have a great week friends!

A little perspective

I’ve been feeling down about my body lately. I know that I will forever be a work in progress, that I can never stop eating right or working out. But sometimes it is just exhausting, you know?

The photo on the left popped up on my Facebook memories today…from a night bowling with the Ocho crew. It seems like a lifetime ago. The one on the right is from Friday night with a different Ocho crew. I see so many differences in my face now, the least of which is the 150 pound weight loss. I see a happy girl, one who doesn’t let her weight and size determine her happiness. I see a genuine smile, because I’m having a great time with my friends. I see a healthy, active person who loves her life, family and friends.

Isn’t that just fabulous?

Hey…I went through a similar size transformation when I joined the Army and many people who hadn’t seen me since I was fat didn’t recognize me at all. Did you experience the same thing?

YES. I’m answering this publicly because I don’t know that I ever told you guys about my 10 year high school reunion. I was heavy enough in high school that when I went back for my reunion no one really recognized me if I wasn’t friends with them on Facebook. The cute boys that wouldn’t give me the time of day in high school, were suddenly falling over themselves to buy me a drink. It was FANTASTIC! The pretty popular girls were shooting me evil glances across the room because they couldn’t figure out who I was! BEST REUNION EVER!

I will say, that sometimes I don’t recognize myself when I look at photos from back then…I’ve been this size for awhile now, and the brain tends to want to forget the past and hide your mind from painful memories. This weekend I went shopping for a dress for some weddings I have this month. I found and bought the dress below because it fit like a dream. It hugs my curves in all the right places and made me feel like a million bucks. Juxtaposed against the photo on the left from 10 years ago…I don’t even recognize myself!

What a difference a decade can make, right?!?!

“Who’ll stop the rain?” The Friday 5 Version

More storms, more flooding. And I’m scared my basement has water in it. Le Sigh. I’ll see when I get home I guess.
My friend and I are going to see Pitch Perfect 2 after work today. I’m SOOO excited!!!
I bought that fabulous doormat at Target last night. Did I need it? Nope. Do I love it? Yep. Totally worth $12.
I was getting ready to workout with a quick run and death by Jillian last night, when I looked at myself in the mirror from the side and I was surprised with what I saw. Who is that girl in the mirror? Sometimes I just don’t know that I see how I really look anymore. It’s hard to explain, yet I’m sure you all know exactly what I’m trying to get at. The mind is a weird thing.
I leave for Phoenix on Sunday. I have not packed a thing. I get home late Wednesday night and leave Thursday afternoon for Denver for my Best Friend’s wedding. To say that I’m stressed is an understatement. I wish I didn’t live my life by the phrase “The ultimate inspiration is the deadline.” Get it together Melissa! Sheesh.

Have a great weekend friends! I’m packing my bikini (because life is too short!) and heading to the land of the dry heat! Can’t wait!!

Left: 2008, 90ish Lbs heavier. Right: Today

Sometimes, you just need a little perspective. I found some today via the photo on the left. I’m doing just fine on this whole weight-loss journey I do believe.
Evidently I just needed the Nutrition Store guy to make me feel bad about myself a few weeks ago, because as of today, I’m down 8 Pounds! I don’t think I really don’t need to lose the 20 pounds he said I do, but as I’ve documented here, I’ve been trying to lose about 10 pounds for awhile now. I’m so close to my goal, it’s awesome.
I found out on Friday that my work travel has doubled this summer! So far I’m going to Arizona in May. I hope to meet this-incredible-journey too! Then Seattle in June for 4 days, and 10 days after that I’ll head to Orlando, FL for a work conference for another 4 days. After that, it looks like I’m going to Sequoia National Park for a trip with some of the members in August for a week. I’m so freakin’ excited!

I have to run 40 miles this week. Ooof. That hurts. Oh Hanson’s and your cumulative fatigue.
I’m getting another sports massage on Wednesday. I’m hoping that this one does not put me down for the count like the one I got last month did.
My weekends are beginning to fill up again…baby showers, bridal showers, and my birthday is 2 weeks from today!!!
The time change is this weekend! I like that extra hour of sunlight in the evenings! It makes it so much easier to get outside and run.

That’s all I have for you today…Have a great day friends!

Friday in Photo Form

Today is my big brother’s birthday. I made the above collage and posted it on Facebook. For the next 2.5 weeks it looks like he’s 4 years older than me. I don’t let him forget that! 🙂
It is BLOODY COLD in my office today. I’m currently wearing a sweater AND a fleece jacket, and I’m still shivering. I’m ready for warm weather and sunshine. I’m done with this whole “winter” thing. My friends say I either have ice in my veins or am dead inside as I’m always cold. Whatever, I’m just cold.
There’s a going away party tonight for a reporter at The Ocho. It starts at 10pm. The dress code is “Oh you fancy, huh?” (Seriously, that’s what the FB invitation says!) I refuse to wear a dress in these cold temperatures. I’m going with leggings I think.
I got up and did my Easy 5 miles before work this morning. The scheduled called for Easy 6 today and Easy 5 tomorrow. I swapped them. I will survive.
My phone is fine shrinkingmomma! Thanks for your concern! I really do need to be more careful, but sadly, that’s not the first time I’ve dropped it…
In other, random news, when I went and was weighed a few weeks ago the guy at the nutrition store told me I needed to lose 20 pounds. Short of cutting off an arm or leg I’m not confident on how that I can make that happen. Except this week alone, I’ve managed to lose 7 pounds! Water weight FTW! Melissa is a happy girl.
It is Friday. It is the freakin’ weekend. Life is good.

Have a good one friends!

Transformation Tuesday

I was scrolling through Facebook last night when I saw the photo on the left. My first thought was: “That girl kinda looks like me. That’s weird” Then, my next thought was, “Holy Crap! That girl IS me!” Albeit, a “me” from 15ish years ago. A lifetime really.

I remember taking that picture. I remember feeling like this big, uncomfortable blob of a person next to all of these svelte little things I was spending that weekend with.

Today those feelings are mostly gone. I say mostly because, can you ever really get rid of them? Do you ever fully heal from the trauma that can happen when you’re overweight? I don’t know.

15 years later I’m healthy, happy, and so much more confident. I run, lift weights, bike, and am an all-around active person. Am I still a work in progress? Yes, without a doubt. I think I always will be. Will I keep working on becoming the best possible version of myself?

Absolutely.

Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

These feelings will never go away. Every day, for the rest of my life, will be a struggle to forget. A struggle to be healthy. Normal. Someone who is unfettered by such a simple action.

Eating.

The holidays are the worst. Particularly Thanksgiving. A holiday basically devoted to food. Eating and drinking and gorging yourself is celebrated. It’s what we do on this day. (And the weekend after it.)

And that’s ok. You’re allowed. I’m allowed. It’s normal. The body must have food to survive. We need it. But do we need 3,000+ calories in a single day? And then leftovers the next day? And the day after that?

Probably not.

…..

Despite losing 150 pounds and maintaining that weight loss for more than 3 years now, I still have some pretty major issues with food. Each day is a very real struggle for me. I have to eat. And I do eat. But sometimes, the very act of eating stresses me out.

Will I overeat, and gain back the weight? Will I eat too much? Will this one meal be the meal that starts the out-of-control spiral?

Intellectually, I know that one meal isn’t going to make me gain 5 pounds. But when you stop caring about one meal, do you then stop caring about them all?

I spent most of my life overweight. I will admit, it is hard for me to remember what it felt like when I was heavy. I don’t really recall how it felt to live in that body anymore. Perhaps that is my mind’s way of protecting itself. I see pictures and I have a hard time remembering that girl.

But the thing is; unless you’ve been overweight, unless you’ve ever struggled with food, then you have no idea. It’s as simple as that. You can sympathize, but you can’t empathize. Eating isn’t always complicated for some people. I wish I were one of them.

Every day, for the rest of my life, (and I’m guessing this is true for a lot of you too) I will struggle with food. With wanting to eat the sweet treats because “I deserve it.” I will battle the demons that tell me don’t eat lunch so you can eat more crap later. I will rage against the quiet voices in my head that tell me I need to run harder or more now to punish my body for the Jr. Mints I consumed.

I like to think I beat back some of these monsters. that I’ve conquered a few of them. My relationship with food has gotten better, talking about it helps. But I know that I will forever struggle to have a successful attitude towards food.

And maybe, that’s good enough for right now.

#TBT the summer of 2004.

I worked for the University of Nebraska Foundation for about a year and a half. We called alumi and asked for donations. We sent these mailings out to let people know to expect a phone call from us. I found this gem at my parent’s house a few weeks ago.

Why did they make me sit down in the front row?! That is NOT a good look! Oy.

That job is a major reason I have my new job today. Life is funny that way.