Think before you speak

I had dinner with a college friend last night. She’s a personal trainer at a local gym. I told her how lately I’ve been in a pretty rough head space; my weight is still up, I can’t seem to do anything right to make it go down, eating ANYTHING is suddenly very stressful to me (that’s another story for another post). Suffice it to say, I’m feeling pretty awful about myself right now.

She was asking me about my eating and workout habits. I told her what I eat and how I workout. Then she pushed me into crazytown with her next comment:

“You know Melissa, you’re a big girl. You just are. So you’ll always be bigger.”

I’m sorry, what?! Just because I’m 5’9" does NOT make me a “big” girl. Yes, I’m up about 10-15 pounds from where I’d like to be. But 5 of those are water weight (you can’t gain 5 pounds in 2 days. Even I know this). And I weigh 165 pounds. I wear anywhere from a size 6 to a size 10. Geez.

Talk about a good way to send someone into a tailspin. I’m already freaking out about my body; how it feels and looks, looking decent in a fitted bridesmaid dress in a month, and running a half marathon in 2 weeks. I don’t need someone to push me over the ledge when I’m quite capable of doing that myself, thankyouverymuch!

harmph.

Her advice? Up my protein, limit my fruit intake, lift weights, and write down what I eat again. Things I know to do. (although I really like fruit, so that kind of sucks.)

Lessons learned here? Think before you speak, you never know the impact your words can have on another person.

So I accidentally deleted this question last night. But here it is again. There are a number of factors that go into weight loss… how much you currently weigh, how much you are eating, how fast you are walking. But, the average amount you should lose (in a healthy way) in that time period would be anywhere from 8-10 pounds. You should expect to lose 1-2 pounds a week. But if you weigh more, your initial weight loss will be more, especially at the beginning.

When I first started losing weight I lost 20 pounds the first month–just by cutting back on bad foods! But I also weighed 295 pounds. Now that I weigh 150ish pounds it takes a lot more for me to lose any weight.

Make sense?

Got any more questions? Just ask!

Holy New Followers, Batman!

So there I was on Friday night, just minding my own business, working at Corky, and things started happening.

My phone began blinking with Tumblr notifications. Non-stop. When I finally checked it, I had hundreds of reblogs, likes and a bunch of new followers from this post from last summer that had suddenly blown up. (I’m super glad that I posted a picture of me in my PJ’s with NO BRA ON that has blown up on the internet. Good call, Melissa!) As the weekend progressed it kept gaining momentum. And here we are.

I’m overwhelmed. The comments and reblogs are so awesome. When I found those pants last summer, I had forgotten about them. I think I had forgotten what it was like to be that girl. But I hadn’t. She’s still inside me. With me in every action, thought and moment. I’ve just stopped seeing myself as that girl. Make sense? I hope so.

So with that, let me introduce myself:

I’m Melissa. I’m 32. I live in Nebraska. I’m a TV News Producer, and I work at a Wine and Paint Studio (called The Corky Canvas) on the side. I love to run, read, hang out with friends and family and laugh. I write about my life, from fitness and running, to work to my very laughable dating life. The good, the bad and the ugly. It’s all here. I used to weight 295 lbs. I’ve lost 150 lbs. Life is good.

This is me, March 15, 2014:

This is me at my heaviest in 2004:

I’ve gotten a few messages, I will answer those asap. Thanks for joining me on this journey friends!

Do we ever see ourselves?

My best friend and I had a conversation tonight that was really eye-opening for me.

A little background: When we were in high school, I was the “fat” friend. She and our other BFF were both much thinner than I was and more normal weights than I was. When we were in high school I was size 20-22. They were size 6 or 8. Today, I am the skinny friend. I’m a size 6 or 8 where they are size 14-18.

When we were teens, my bestie said that she never felt like she was skinny. That she never really saw herself the small size that she was. She never felt comfortable in her body. So now, when she sees herself at her current weight and size she still doesn’t “see” herself. She hides behind drab clothes and dark colors. She’s uncomfortable in her own skin, and doesn’t know if anything can ever fix that.

Her husband tried to help. Offered to workout with her. He was frustrated because he wanted to fix it and she wasn’t giving him a way to do that. She said she didn’t want him to fix it, just to listen and be there for her.

It made me think about me, and all of our weight loss journeys. It took me YEARS before I was able to see myself as a thinner person. People who don’t know my history will say things like “you’re so skinny.” And I don’t know how to respond to that. I want to brush them off. Tell them its not the truth. But ya know what? It is. And that’s awesome.

I often wonder if I need therapy. To talk it all out to an unbiased 3rd party. Because being overweight for a good portion of your life will do things to your head. Make you think things that aren’t necessarily true. Maybe that’s what this is; my therapy. You guys are just a whole lot cheaper!! 😉

Deep thoughts on a Monday night

Thursday thoughts

Do you guys ever bargain with yourself before or during a run? You know what I mean: do you say, “I’m supposed to run 4 miles today, but I can run 3 instead and then make it up Saturday.” Or “I’m going to run x amount of miles today” but then when it comes time to actually doing it, you bargain yourself down in mileage…just to get it done?

I do it all the time! I actually did my 4 miles today, but I kept telling myself that 3 miles was ok too.

Um, no it wasn’t Melissa. Just do the miles and get it done. So I did. But I like to make deals with myself. Sigh. It’s a process.

In other news, a friend posted this on her facebook page today and it really resonated with me:

Whoa dude. There is so much truth in that statement. I have some pretty major issues from being so overweight for a good portion of my life. I started gaining weight in 5th grade and didn’t lose all the weight until I was 29 years old. But I think I will have lasting inner turmoil from that forever. Maybe I need therapy. Who knows. But I do know that as much as it sometimes sucks to run and lift and workout, it sucked a lot more to be 150 pounds heavier.

Flashback Friday, college graduation edition.

9 (gasp!) Years ago today, I graduated from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln with my bachelors degree in journalism.

What a difference 9 years makes! I’m 150 pounds lighter, and so much happier.

Sometimes, it’s hard to look back and see these pictures. But I honestly think it’s good to remember.

That moment when you’re checking your google analytics page and see that people come to your blog via pinterest and click on it to find that YOU’RE A PIN ON SOMEONE’S PINTEREST PAGE!!!!

That’s me on the bottom right.

That freaked me out! How strange to be a weight loss inspiration pin!

Whoa.

Fantastic things

I can’t do lists on my phone, so you get my ramblings…

Today has been a good day. I’m wearing my new jeans (that I got for $13.88 at Walmart! ) They have gotten lots of compliments and one coworker even thought i got them at white house, black market! Yeah baby!

You know how when you wear clothes that you feel good in, you strut your stuff in them? That’s exactly how I feel today. I feel like I look good, and that makes me feel good. The mind is funny that way. Conversely, when I feel like I look like crap, my attitude is totally different. I certainly don’t strut my stuff or walk with a booty shake like today! 🙂

I’m working at Corky tonight. I Ran into a girl i went to high school with (she was a few years younger) and i asked if she was from our hometown. I told her who I was. She said she knew the name, but didn’t recognize me. I told her that its because I’ve lost 150 pounds. She freaked out, told me how good I look, how awesome it is. Totally made my day!

Have a good night friends!

Today marks a major milestone in my broadcasting career: I’ve been at my TV station for 10 years! An entire decade! How did that happen? On the left is my first picture at the station. We have a board where they put our photos downstairs…I’ve actually gone through several pictures because I have changed so much! On the right is me, just a few days ago!

What a difference a decade makes! 🙂

Here’s to the next 10 years!

Also, that HAIR?! What was I thinking? It was short enough to spike in the back–now my hair is the longest its ever been in my adult life, and I love it! 🙂

Holy new followers Batman!

Welcome! This post blew up last night. And I gained quite a few new followers, so I thought I’d introduce myself:

I’m Melissa. I’m from Nebraska. (Go Huskers!) I’m a TV News Producer. It’s a pretty cool job. I’ve run one Full Marathon, 6 Halfs and countless 5ks and 10ks. I’ve lost 150 pounds. I’ve kept it off for 2 years now. I started losing weight in 2005. It took a long time to lose it all, but I’m glad I did! Slow and steady wins the race, right?

I write about my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. I love to run. I love my friends and family. I hope you find something here to help you on your journey!

If you want to know anything else, just ask!